Posted by: onemanonedrum | March 28, 2010

Second Anniversary

What should I buy to celebrate this auspicious day? Tradition suggest a gift of cotton. Cotton wool pads, a particularly important part of my adventure, used daily to administer the much needed treatment that kept me moving.

I admit, the treatment wasn’t perfect, it had a few flaws but I wasn’t a trained chiropodist, I didn’t really know what I was doing. I had taken the suggestions from a range of electronic and ink based sources, tossed them into a pot and pulled out what I understood to be the best and most practical methods of keeping my feet in good shape. This being the use of surgical spirit as a daily cleaner, disinfectant and skin hardener (thank you wiki).

The flaws were the volcanic islands of puss that irrupted from my feet in strategically painful areas. Like I said, the treatment wasn’t perfect. Blisters and sores, when located on the feet have unusual properties. After a few weeks of friction they turn nasty, they start to attack, taking no prisoners, pulling none of their targeted punches. Their sole purpose is to repay you for not heeding to their clear warnings. And pay you do. Once the courtship is over a tentative relationship between you and your blisters blossoms.

You put your best foot forward” a lyric I remember being sung by Rolf Harris on ‘Saturday OK?‘ but what if you don’t have a best foot? What if both feet are decidedly F**ked? The first step of the day was always agonising, no amount of Ibuprofen Gel could reduce the swelling or relieve the pain that brewed over night. The only way to keep both parties happy as the partnership grows is, not to stop. No matter what hurts, what twinges or pulls you cannot stop because you’ll pay for it, in tears. In the beginning I had enjoyed stopping and talking to anyone I could about what I was doing and why. You may understand that this became less and less enjoyable towards the end, because their are only a finite number of first steps that you’ll want to take each day. The optimum being…

So, I would like to propose a toast. Please, raise your glasses of rubbing alcohol. Dry your eyes with your complimentary cotton wool pads and rub your sore feet in memory of all those whose blisters have wept for a cause.

It’s not all bad, to take a line from Monty Python “I got better”.


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